Source: What’s Your Grief
My mother’s death anniversary was this past week, October 23rd to be exact. As soon as the fall weather hit, I could feel it approaching. I will forever associate the colorful leaves, cool breeze, and crisp air of Autumn with the helplessness I felt seven years ago knowing my mother could slip from life at any moment.
This year, as with past years, I spent time thinking about how I would cope with the day, I even started a blog post about it. But then guess what happened. The day came and went, and I completely forgot about it.
On the morning of October 24th, I stepped out of my house, and as soon as the smell of fall hit me, I thought, holy crap, is it the day? When I looked at the date and realized it was actually the day after, I was shocked. How did this happen???
Yep…again. I did the same thing last year. So, apparently, this is how I dysfunctionally deal with my mom’s deathiversary (is deathiversary a word?). Boo…I don’t like it. For me, forgetting feels a lot worse than remembering the pain; which is why I’m writing this post today – to implore you to not be like me.
Litsa and I have written many blog posts about dealing with grief on special days. We helped you reframe Valentines Day, we offered you 64 New Year’s resolutions for grievers, we suggested a fun family activity for remembering loved ones on Easter, we came up with a list of ways to remember your loved one during the holiday season, we’ve written 17 posts to help you cope with Mother’s Day Grief (and counting), and Litsa laid out a rock star tutorial on Father’s Day sulking.
We obviously advocate for finding constructive ways to acknowledge and cope with tough days; although I will totally support you in ignoring them if you so choose. But we highly recommend on days like the death anniversary that you find at least small ways to honor and remember your loved one.
You (and others close to the loss) can decide how. There is no right or wrong way. Some will want to fully feel the sadness and emotion of the day (what I like to call ‘wallowing with a purpose’), some will want to stay positive, some will want to do a quick and casual acknowledgment, and some will want to spend the entire day focused on the deceased. Whatever you do, we recommend you think ahead, anticipate the hard parts, and make a plan.